Sad

I am feeling kind of low. At night I am having the most horrible nightmares. I guess it's the meds but I am not sure. I want to sleep like a baby. Sleep is essential to well being.

Sick of being Always sad. Sad and lonely. I've just joined an online dating site again for the fourth time. And that doesn't really make a difference. Not really just average dudes that does not interest me that much.

Sun, I miss you!

I have too Think really hard to remember when I last saw the sun. It's been so grey and dark for a long time now. I feel I am out od vitamin D. The best thing i could do would be to take a trip to a sunny place but i can't do that for many reasons most financial. I really look forward to spring and my upcoming 34th birthday. It is usually much lighter by then.

Music!

I have started collecting vinyl records. It's is truly a mixture between genres. But mostly rock, pop, punk and new wave. One that is truly used on my record player is a new order single - Confusion. It's a great one. And a also dig sixties pop/rock like mama´s and the papas and Jefferson airplane. I can sometime feel ashamed that my taste in music is not that sophisticated and that it is so mainstream in  gender and race aspects . Basically music made by white straight men. But I am working on it.

The dentist

Going to the dentist is expensive. I got a tooth extinguished yesterday and that costed me 900 sek. Just to pull out a god damn tooth. My teeth look better than the true condition of them. I should quit smoking.

Happy

I was in the psycheward for about a month. Nowadays being in a mental hospital is not like you picture it in your head with people painting the walls with scribblings or sitting in straitjackets all in a chatatonic state. No it's more like day care for adults with planned meals on certain hours and endless time in between walking those corridors.

I feel a lot better now I must say.